Deployment Coping

Well I might as well admit that this is now a deployment blog... at least until February that is! Sure, I will also be having a baby and sharing all kinds of adventures with the kids. But I won't be able to avoid an underlying theme of deployment.
Overall, I admit that I am pretty optimistic about this one. I've been through this enough times before that I know what to expect. Communication should be much better this time than last year's. My husband is in a much safer job position now, so I won't be so worried about bodily harm. I had a newborn (Danny) when our last deployment started, and got through that pretty well, so my confidence is pretty high that I can do it again. And I'm not even taking any online courses this time around, so honestly all I have to do in the next 7 months is have a baby and take care of our 3 small children. Easy, right? :-) That's what I tell myself on good days.
Anyway, we are only on Day 2, so it barely even feels like a deployment yet. However, even though I have hardly cried, I find myself already slipping into my typical coping mechanism: organizing and cleaning. I have always been a bit of a neat freak (just ask the younger sister who had to share a room with me!) but I have become comfortable with a certain level of messiness in the house, caused by husband's gear and hobbies, children's toys, etc. As long as everything is relatively clean and I can work in the kitchen, I'm fine with that. But as soon as husband leaves, I find myself on a rampage to reorganize the whole 4-bedroom house! Last deployment I came home late at night after saying goodbye to him, and immediately started cleaning up his clothes and everyday items that were around the house-- no more boots by the door, shaving cream on the sink, etc. This time I at least waited until the next day to do it. :-) I then started cleaning up all his books and games that were in the downstairs area. Instead of his hobbies taking over the dining room, it is now cleaned out, his things are neatly put away in our closet, and I won't have to look at them for half a year. I think my motivations are 2-fold. Partly, I am doing this because we are about to have a baby and I need to reorganize some parts of the house to accommodate the new little guy: the guest room/ study will be baby's room, so I had to move around some books and make some room in the closet. The dining room will temporarily hold his swing and pack-and-play, so I had to move the table and clean out the corners. But I think the other reason is purely emotional: when I see his things laying around the house those first few days, I get a little catch in my throat and feel melancholy. He was just here a few hours ago, leaving a damp towel in the bathroom, dishes in the sink, food in the refrigerator, etc. Seeing it just reminds me that he won't be around for a long time, so it seems easier to remove all those reminders. I'm not taking his pictures off the walls or anything crazy! It just seems to make sense to temporarily move the things he won't need while he's gone. I've read that there is a psychological benefit to leaving his boots by the door, as a reminder to me and the kids that he will be home soon. That may be true... but it seems silly to trip over them for months at a time when he obviously won't need them.
What do you think? Do you leaves his things around as reminders when he is deployed? Or do you clean and rearrange the house to claim it as YOURS?

Deployment Day 1

Well, I have not been doing much on my blog recently, but that is because I was a little bit busy getting ready for this deployment-- trying to savor as much family time as possible before he left. But now we have said our goodbyes, it has officially begun, and I am ready to settle into deployment mode. Don't get me wrong--I hate deployments as much as the next person! But I think the most stressful part is the few weeks leading up to deployment. You may or may not have an exact flight date, but you know it is coming. You keep thinking of all the things you want to do together, places to take the kids, projects around the house, and so on... and it all has to happen NOW. And while I am focused on all the home/family/paperwork/maintenance things, he is focusing on gear/packing/relaxing. It can be a difficult time for any couple. Once he finally leaves, you can breathe, and begin to settle into that lovely deployment routine.
We were very blessed to actually have a leave block before this deployment, and we took our first family vacation! We had considered visiting family, but he only had a week off, and it was a lot of driving. So we opted instead to just take the kids with us and spend a few days in Myrtle Beach, which is only 2 hours away. We had an amazing time!!!! We were right on the ocean, and the hotel had multiple pools, splash areas, slides, and lazy rivers that kept the kids busy every morning. In the afternoons they took naps and we got to relax, watch TV, and cuddle together listening to the ocean. We also had a BLAST going to Medieval times! Ahhh, so many smiles and good times that week!

It was the perfect thing to take my mind off deployment and just enjoy being a family for a few days. I felt closer to him than I had in a long time--probably because I wasn't distracted by cooking and housework, and he wasn't distracted by work, friends, or video games. We will definitely do something similar when he returns!
So yes, he's gone now, but we have tons of great memories to savor, and I hope that will be enough to keep us strong during the next 7 months!

Well, we survived a month of pre-deployment training! I didn't have a lot of time for blogging, but I did make time to do lots of playdates and field trips with the kids! We went to the zoo, the beach, started gymnastics class on Saturdays for the 3-year-old, and she also just finished two weeks of going to swim lessons every day! Plus, we were graced with a week-long visit from my Mom and sister. They were so helpful taking care of the kids, cleaning my house, and letting me run errands kid-free! And I even got to host a girls' night in/Scentsy party for some of my friends! So all in all, it was a good month. Of course I missed my husband every day, but I was able to keep up with things that needed to get taken care of (like our van door that stopped working) and not stress too much about housework and cooking. I'm fairly proud of how well the kids did without Daddy, and all that I was able to accomplish.

However... I must confess that the 3rd trimester fatigue is catching up with me! I'm not sleeping well at night, which makes me more tired and cranky during the day. Since both my kids still take afternoon naps, I find myself napping with them several days a week. And my exercise machine? Yeah, haven't touched it this month. I'm doing ok, but starting to feel like I am reaching my limits--of energy, patience, etc. I keep feeling that I am just DONE. Which is unfortunate, because the past month was just a short warm-up to prepare for the 7-month deployment that begins way too soon.
On a positive note, my husband is finally HOME, and we have at least a few weeks to enjoy with him, including our first-ever family vacation! I am really looking forward to all that, and hope it will be a good chance to recharge and get fully prepared for the deployment. And the new baby. :-) I can finally relax, share some of the child-raising responsibilities, and try to enjoy my family during the limited time we have.
How about you? What are your favorite pre-deployment tips? Any special family traditions or things you do to make the stressful time leading up to deployment a little better?

Resource Thursday: LINKS classes

Yesterday I went to my first LINKS class. I had heard of these for years, but thought they were for "new" military spouses. Considering myself somewhat seasoned at his point, I figured I already know how to handle deployments, find my way around base, etc. But there was a group of spouses from my husband's company taking it together, and they provided childcare on base, so I thought, "why not?" I am so glad I did!!!

LINKS stands for Lifestyles, Insight, Networking, Knowledge, and Skills. The class I took was for spouses and lasted most of the day, but they have shorter workshops for parents of Marines, children, fiances, etc. The program started 20 years ago during the 1st Gulf War, when spouses who had become used to the "peacetime" cycle of the military suddenly had to handle deployments to the Middle East and learn to navigate military life without their husbands. Each military base offers its own version, and you would get maximum impact if you attended a class when you were new to a base, but even after being here almost 3 years I still learned a lot of valuable info!

The class covers 6 main topics: The Corps (structure and explanation of ranks), Local Services on and off base, Understanding Pay and financial opportunities, Deployment, Military Moves, and Community involvement. I had some experience with most of these topics, but learned a ton of new things in each presentation. Plus, participating with other Marine wives helped me see that my experiences were not unusual or weird, especially when it comes to deployment. There was a sense that "we are all in this together, so let's make the most of it and help each other." So it was a really fun and positive day!

Some of the highlights of what I learned:
-- the infantry at Lejeune is all part of 2nd Marine division, and I now see exactly how my husband's job fits into the hierarchy
-- what to do during Colors on base each morning or evening
-- lots of acronyms and jargon!
-- phone numbers for all kinds of services on base
-- apparently I need to renew my ID card since my husband was promoted last year!
-- details about the base movie theater which I have never used
-- Disney World has a military resort with special military rates!
-- how to get price matching discounts from the Commissary and PX
-- MyPay has a "limited access" option so I don't have to use my husband's login info
-- the RUC code you need for a Red Cross Emergency message is located on the LES
-- how to read and interpret the LES
-- how to use Split Pay
-- the Savings Deposit Program gives you 10% interest during deployments!!!!!
-- there are 6 stages of the deployment cycle, each with its own distinct challenges and emotions
-- you can request a military Sponsor when you move to a new duty station!
-- a dislocation allowance is free money you get for moving: you just have to check the box!
-- how to contact a chaplain besides the one in husband's unit
-- career advancement and education opportunities available to the Marine

Plus I even got a certificate and a goodie bag afterwards! The class was free, the on-site childcare was free... I would say it was a great day! I highly recommend the LINKS class to anyone who hasn't taken it, regardless of how long you have been in the military!

Wordless Wednesday: Danny's recent firsts

First time playing with the sprinkler

First time in his big boy bed

First drawing

First time at the bar stool instead of his high chair

First beach trip this summer