Friday, August 12, 2011

The waiting game...

Military wives should be experts in that virtue called patience. We accept a lifestyle where we are not in control of, well, almost anything. I have learned to accept the unpredictable future of career paths, where we will live, when my husband will be with us, where he will be sent in the world, etc. I know how to be patient waiting for him to come home from a field op, a training mission, or even a deployment. If patience is a virtue, I should be a SAINT by now! So why am I finding it so difficult to wait for this baby???
I am almost 39 weeks pregnant now, so the baby is full-term, completely developed, etc. He could be born at any time. In fact, it seems most of my friends having babies in the last year delivered before this point. I've gained a ton of weight, I am feeling heavy and tired and slow, and it's just getting uncomfortable. I have done my cleaning, and baby preparations, and freezer stocking. Right now life feels like it is on hold, waiting for Alex to make an appearance... and I am feeling just about done.
However, the rational part of my brain tells me that there is no rush. My other kids were born in the 40th week, so there is no reason to expect this one to be earlier. And I know all too well that pregnancy--with all its discomforts--is not nearly as challenging as caring for a newborn!!! At least right now I have quiet naptimes and evenings, and I can sleep through the night! Life with 3 children is not going to be easy, so there is no need to rush into it. Whether it starts this week or next, it's going to happen eventually! So I should enjoy these last few days of snuggling with my 2 kids, being able to carry them, and giving them the attention they crave.
I think there are a few big differences this time around. First of all, my husband is deployed. So even though I have WONDERFUL support from my friends and my mom, I still feel a little bit helpless and scared about giving birth 'alone,' and I would like to get it over with so I can move on to the next exciting stage. Secondly, I have been having contractions on and off the last few days, but the doctors confirmed today that there hasn't been any changes and the baby is not close to being born any time soon. With the other kids, once contractions started, they gradually increased in intensity over the period of a few days, so I had a good idea when the baby would come. These contractions that start and stop without actually accomplishing anything are a little frustrating, painful, and discouraging. I don't mind having them if they lead to the birth! But if they are just random inconveniences that don't do anything to the baby... then I want to get this process moving and get it over with!
Anyway, I think I am done venting my frustration. The baby will be here within the next week or 2, one way or another. I'm doing fine, and I can think of lots of things to enjoy each extra day that I am given. Sure, I want to meet Alex and hold him and kiss him! But I can wait as long as I need to... after all, I do have a lot of experience with waiting!!!

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